Friday, August 17, 2012

Should The Exes Stick Around?



I hear people say an ex should remain an ex to avoid the risk of old flames being re-kindled, I quite agree but there is a BUT. My older sister believes that once her relationship with a guy is over, that is it! Its as good as she never met him. Not that they are enemies but there is no ground for any form of fraternity whatsoever. I say it has worked very well for her but it has not been the case for me. 
I happen to be friends with almost all my exes and I've been able to draw the lines especially being married. For instance I can't just pick up the phone and call an ex to gist except there is really something that needs to be discussed, and it must very important. I've had two exes who I helped make relationship decisions and one of them ended up marrying the lady...The exes I don't talk to are either too weak emotionally to handle being my friends or I clearly see them as mistakes I should never have made...(no pun intended).


Now to the interesting part, can you be friends with your spouse's ex? Again I say it is possible BUT..... ok here: I happen to be friends with two of my hubby's exes who are both married, one had been my friend before she dated my husband (I'm sure you already know the story), and the second one, I have not met but we talk. I think my relationship with this second person is based on how much my husband respects her and what I've found out for myself, he actually helped her design her wedding invites and she supported us during our wedding as well.  I equally have an ex my hubby wants to meet at all cost, he says from the way I've talked about him, he'd so love to meet him...the guy in question is a very hilarious character and our break up was even more hilarious (story for another day), we should have just been friends and friends alone from the beginning. I remember him helping me do a background check on a guy I was planning to date in school, and actually came back to tell me the guy was clean. On a very sincere note though, I have never sat down with any of my husband's exes with him present, if that ever happens, I'm not sure how I'd feel...awkward? indifferent? not sure at all.

So tell me, can you be friends with his ex?


Happy loooong weekend 9jairians!

20 comments:

  1. hmmm i'm not sure what to think of being friends with my husband's exes but i guess its something that has to do with the level of trust you both have for each other. KK

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  2. I agree with anon 8:41am, trust has everything to do with, however one must not give the enemy any room

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  3. abeg no vex but I no do! I cant shout

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  4. ex or no ex, wetin wan happen go happen, all it takes is one willing man and one willing woman

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  5. In the begining ---"The exes I don't talk to are either too weak emotionally to handle being my friends" then at the end ---
    On a very sincere note though, I have never sat down with any of my husband's exes with him present, if that ever happens, I'm not sure how I'd feel...awkward? indifferent?
    --- Maybe ur "Exes" that you feel will be too weak emotionally to handle being friends, actually think its Awkward".
    ----- one of ur Exes :-)

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  6. Loooool@ 'one of her exes': she said awkward about being with her husband and his ex, not being friends with her own ex. There is nothin awkward about being friends with exes, u can either handle it or u can't.

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  7. Never given much thot to being friends with the SO's exes...uhm.... I like to think that I can handle it if I am convinced that both parties have moved on. I'd really hate to catalyse a rekindling of old flames o. But personally sha, I am still friends with my exes.

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  8. This is definitely an interesting topic. Hmmm....I think it depends on how you define "friends." I think it's okay to be cordial, but certainly not confidantes. It also, of course, depends on other factors (how the relationship ended, what their feelings are, what their values are, etc.) At the end of the day, it's probably best to tread carefully in most cases because it's difficult to know what someone else has in mind. An ex might have unresolved feelings, unbeknownst to you. As Igbo people say, "Obi bu akpa. Onye obula nya nke ya." (The mind is like a bag. Everyone carries only his own, i.e. only the person in question knows what s/he is thinking). Bottom line, we need discernment from the Holy Spirit because there's obviously never a cut-and-dry rule.

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  9. Well don't give a rat ass abt my exes,and I don't want my bobos exes anywhere ard him.finito

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  10. @Lovenwords.com: You took the words out of my mouth. It's a tricky situation & a slippery slope but if it's not 'confidante' kinda thing then it's cool to be cordial. The only ex I'm not friends with is a spine-less mistake I shouldn't have made lol

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  11. ha! funny comments. Lol@ her ex. me i will have to sleep over this. will be back to declare my stand

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  12. @ My ex: well u're obviously not one of those who feel awkward around me...lool

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  13. Remain friends with your ex's? Bad Idea.
    Mutual respect for each other when you meet outside during social events. Better idea.
    As for ex's who should never have being Girlfriends/Boyfriends, cut em off.

    The End.

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  14. good one blaster......in as much as you want to remain friends with your ex, know when to draw the line, because he or she already knows you to some extent and might want to use your weakness to make you fall over and over again, so my dear, its either you keep it at arms length, exchange pleasantries when necessary, know the kind of discussion you discuss, just draw the line and don't let your past affair bring you backward, i think all will be well cuz if you don't put them where they belong, they will still act like they got an hold on you.......and for those wanting to be friend with their spouse ex/exes,hmmmmm, all i can say is shine your eye ohhhh, lol, if i am to do that, i should trust that ex enough well with open eye, seriously speaking, you can trust your spouse very much but do not be naive because the heart of a man is desperately wicked and you only know wat is in ur heart and not wat is in the other person heart, having said that, i will give an example: i once had a male friend or rather an ex who wanted me to be his wife's friend, like wanting us to do business together because according to him, she has never met me yet he says i am his good friend but at the same time,wanted an affair with me,i practically had to keep him very far. a good ex should help the other grow and not claim to be good friend yet wanting benefit of some sort,he wants details of my rship and want to decide who is best for me yet stylishly want to fit in(lol) so all exes can't be friends even though he still keep in touch but he is obviously weak....i believe i have said much before i write cover letter @nonye...lol

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  15. if u decide to sit with your husband and his ex, well u might feel awkward if she starts a conversation like "oh i remember wen N, will do these, take me here and there and mistakenly mention sometime ur husband av never told u, nonye he likes these very much, i can remember how it was when, trust me, no one want anyone claiming they know their man more than they do, esp not from any ex...so probably would be awkward and might jst say thanks but i know and shut her up, mayb better if she is the time that minds her business and not the over sabi type who would be too nice to you(definitely awkward cuz u wldnt know if she is really happy for you or wish to be in your position esp when you tell her how sweet and loving ur man is) will she really be happy or over him or watching every step u make.....lol frm blessing

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  16. f u decide to sit with your husband and his ex, well u might feel awkward if she starts a conversation like "oh i remember wen N, will do these, take me here and there and mistakenly mention something# ur husband had never mentioned to u, nonye he likes these very much, i can remember how it was when, trust me, no one want anyone claiming they know their man more than they do, esp not from any ex...so probably would be awkward and might jst say thanks but i know and shut her up, mayb better if she is the type# that minds her business and not the over sabi type who would be too nice to you like busy body(definitely awkward cuz u wldnt know if she is really happy for you or wish to be in your position esp when you tell her how sweet and loving ur man is) will she really be happy or over him or watching every step u make.....lol frm blessing

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  17. loving lovewords.com word....cc it, lol

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  18. looooooooooool Ble Ble!!!! I see you!!

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